Hidden Battles on Unseen Fronts Read online

  Published in the United States of America in 2009 by

  CASEMATE

  908 Darby Road, Havertown, PA 19083

  and in Great Britain by

  CASEMATE

  17 Cheap Street, Newbury RG20 5DD

  Copyright 2009 © The Armed Forces Foundation

  ISBN: 978-1-935149-01-9

  Digital Edition ISBN: 978-1-61200-0251

  Cataloging-in-publication data is available from the Library of Congress and the British Library.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the Publisher in writing.

  Printed and bound in the United States of America.

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  CASEMATE PUBLISHERS (US)

  908 Darby Road

  Havertown PA, 19083

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  CONTENTS

  FOREWORD by Brigadier General Loree K. Sutton

  INTRODUCTION by Patricia Driscoll

  1. DEPLOYED, DECORATED AND LIVING IN A CAR: The Story of Marine Corps Sergeant Christopher Horman

  2. DECIDING WHO IS SANE ENOUGH TO FIGHT: The Ethics of Military Medicine in a Time of War by Alice Psirakis, LCSW

  3. LANDMINE BLAST TO A SOUL: The Story of Army SPC Walter Blackston

  4. AMERICA KEEPS ITS PROMISE: The Truth About Military Care of Warriors with Traumatic Brain Injury by Colonel Christopher S. Williams

  5. BRINGING THE WAR HOME: The Story of Army Chief Warrant Officer Richard Gutteridge

  6. HEALING THE HUMAN SPIRIT, HOUR BY HOUR by Barbara V. Romberg, PhD

  7. DEEPER THAN WAR: The Story of US Marine Corps Captain Tyler Boudreau

  8. THE VA’S SUICIDE PREVENTION HOTLINE: Saving the Lives of Veterans by Dr. Janet Kemp

  9. A SHARPSHOOTER FIRES BACK: The Story of Army PFC Robert Kislow

  10. THE EXPERT CONSULTANTS: OUR PATIENTS by Kelly Petska, PhD, and Donald MacLennan, PhD

  11. WAR CHANT: The Story of Army Sergeant John “Medicine Bear” Radell

  12. THE WEAPON OF CHOICE—PATIENCE by Dr. Charles “Chip” West

  13. A WOMAN AT WAR: The Story of Army 2nd Lieutenant Sylvia Blackwood-Boutelle

  14. I JUST WANT TO BE BACK IN IRAQ by Alice Psirakis, LCSW

  15. AT HOME OUTSIDE THE WIRE: The Story of Marine Corps Corporal William Berger

  16. WINNING HIDDEN BATTLES: Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury by Bill Yamanaka

  17. A NEVERENDING BATTLE: The Story of Army Corporal Jonnei Campaz

  18. THE REAL STORY BEHIND YOUR STORY by Dr. Rick Levy

  19. AGAINST ALL ODDS: The Story of Marine Corps Corporal Joshua Hoffman

  20. A VETERANS’ GUIDE TO MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES IN THE VA by Ira R. Katz, MD, PhD, and Bradley Karlin, PhD

  21. WHEN MOMMY COMES HOME: The Story of Army Sergeant Devore Barlowe

  22. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS ANGRY, MOMMY? Children in Wartime—How to Know When Help Is Needed by Michael Genhart

  23. A GOOD WACKING: The Story of Army Sergeant David Emme

  24. THE MENTAL TRANSCEIVER by Norman McCormack

  25. I’LL NEVER LEAVE YOU: The Story of Army National Guard Sergeant Jose Pequeno and His Mother, Nelida Bagley

  26. THE FACES BEHIND THE FILES: The VA’s Polytrauma System of Care by Dr. Barbara Sigford, MD, PhD

  27. PORTRAIT OF RESILIENCE: The Story of Army Sergeant Brent Bretz

  28. FAMILIES OF HONOR by Dr. Mary Car-Blanchard

  29. DELTA FORCE DOWN: The Story of Army Special Operations Sergeant Bryan Lane

  30. REALIZING THE PROMISE OF EVIDENCE-BASED PSYCHOTHERAPIES IN THE VHA by Bradley Karlin, PhD, Josef Ruzek, PhD, and Kathleen Chard, PhD

  31. A WOUNDED WARRIOR: The Story of Army Sergeant Nathan Toews

  32. FALLING THROUGH THE CRACKS: Why Time Is Running Out by Lt. Colonel Cynthia Rasmussen

  33. COURAGE TO HEAL: The Story of Army National Guard Sergeant Michael Mills and Suki Mills

  34. TENDING, ATTENDING, AND HEALING: All Together, One by One by Dr. Joseph Bobrow

  35. SLEEPLESS IN SILVER SPRING: The Story of National Guard Specialist 1st Class Duval Diaz

  36. THE BATTLE FOR LOVE by Mitchell S. Tepper, PhD

  37. ONE FOOT IS BETTER THAN TWO: The Story of Army Corporal Nicholas Firth and His Mother, Faye Firth

  38. FACING OUR FEARS by Barbara V. Romberg, PhD

  39. AFRAID TO TRUST: The Story of Marine Corps Sergeants Kelly Meister and Cody Sepulvida

  40. THE ROAD BACK TO SELF: It’s the Journey, Not the Destination by David Carroll, PhD

  41. A FAMILY AFFAIR: The Story of Army Sergeant John Weinburgh and Lindsey Weinburgh

  42. PREPARING OURSELVES TO HELP WITH THE JOURNEY HOME by Barbara Tiner

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  ABOUT THE CONTRIBUTORS

  RESOURCES FOR MILITARY SERVICE MEMBERS AND FAMILIES

  For the men and women who have sacrificed so much to serve us so well.

  We honor you.

  FOREWORD

  By Brigadier General Loree K. Sutton, MD

  For many of our warriors, “coming home” is not the end of war—far from it.

  Leaving the battlefield far behind, the battle often continues—in hearts and minds, relationships and communities after deployment. Families and loved ones often find themselves fighting a battle, too, striving to understand and support the person they care for after a life-changing experience that they may not want to remember, let alone talk about. Warriors may feel isolated in a frightening and unfamiliar struggle to cope with memories of war, one of the most intense experiences a human being can endure.

  The intensely personal stories in this book place a human face on the adversity of war that frequently remains hidden from public attention: the challenge of post-traumatic stress, concussion (also known as mild traumatic brain injury), and other psychological health issues among our returning warriors. Despite the struggles, those who have shouldered the adversity of war may also seize this opportunity to experience post-traumatic growth—deepening one’s faith, cherishing relationships, reordering life priorities, and extending compassion and empathy for others.

  Many will adapt to their “new normal” in a few weeks or months; some will take additional time to come to terms with their experience. Killing in combat, witnessing or participating in atrocities, losing beloved buddies, coming home to a strained or even fractured marriage, experiencing “survivor’s guilt,” witnessing the death of innocent civilians, craving the adrenalin surge of living in the shadow of death—such are the timeless challenges known to warriors of all ages—past, present and future.

  Reintegration with home, work, family and community can be arduous—as one sergeant put it, “It’s tough to move from being a target to shopping at Target!” Some find that memories can be even more disturbing than the actual experience, because what they once believed could touch them only on the battlefield has now “followed me home.” Where sleep was once a rejuvenating respite, slumber may now be punctuated with nightly replays of combat’s peril. Further, the routine of family life may be overwhelmed by demands unseen but remembered, compounded by the frustration of loved ones who are attempting to understand what their warrior is experiencing. />
  The challenges are real. Celia Straus’ timely book—a story of stories—is ultimately a story of hope, strength, love, courage, forgiveness and redemption.

  In these pages, you will witness the accounts of real warriors and learn of their battles at home and at war, as well as the strengths they have claimed along the way. These gripping stories harness the power and the promise of recovery in the most poignant manner possible—by seeing through the eyes of those who have actually lived it.

  Successful recovery and reintegration call for resilience—the human capacity to adapt and grow in the face of stress, adversity, trauma and tragedy. Realizing this capacity requires the sometimes painful work of finding meaning, purpose and value in life’s harshest experiences, marked by breakthroughs, heartaches, lapses, triumphs and, at times, despair. Hope must prevail—we are NOT alone.

  It is especially fitting that this book includes essays from caring professionals now in the field supporting our warriors. These first-person accounts describe the practical mechanisms of resilience and recovery—a holistic union of mind, body and spirit. Many are informed by their own experiences with war and trauma, and know firsthand the vital imperative of keeping hope on the horizon. These stories provide a real-world view of how warriors and their families interact with psychologists, social workers, chaplains and other “fellow travelers” on this journey from trauma to transformation. Troops wage war; healers wage hope.

  In many ways, this book answers the call to a sacred duty as old as the family of man: to tell the story of the wounded warrior. Repeated throughout history and literature, this call marks the human need for meaning, purpose and a sense of belonging beyond one’s self. Consider Hamlet on his deathbed, making his final request to Horatio, his dearest and most trusted friend: “If thou didst ever hold me in thy heart, absent thee from felicity awhile and enter my harsh world and draw my breath in pain to tell my story.”

  Withdraw yourself from your comforts to see through my eyes, says Hamlet. Tell the world my story.

  The warriors whose stories are collected in this book demand to be heard. The extraordinary candor of these men and women reflects a courageous willingness to make their most intimate fears—and enduring hopes—part of the public record of our fellow Americans at war. This gift of service and sacrifice symbolizes the trust and love that, in our best moments, enables humans to act selflessly on the battlefields of war and peace. These lessons, gained through time, courage, patience, prayer and fellowship, will lead the way home for warriors throughout the ages. We are privileged to stand on the shoulders of such giants.

  Someone once said: “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone we meet is fighting some sort of battle.” Believe it. Psychological injuries—leading to unseen battles on hidden fronts—are real, urgent and potentially lethal. We are NOT alone… seeking support IS an act of strength and courage. We are all in this journey of life together. Perhaps that is the greatest blessing of all.

  Army Brigadier General Loree K. Sutton, MD

  Director,

  Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health

  and Traumatic Brain Injury

  January 2009

  “Every war has its signature wound. In World War I it was poison gas-damaged lungs. In World War II it was radiation that caused cancer. In Vietnam it was Agent Orange that caused neurological damage and skin disorders; and for the Iraq and Afghanistan conflicts it is TBI. Since August 2007, when screening for TBI, 83% of wounded troops were diagnosed with TBI, the largest group being 21-year-olds.”

  —“The Hidden War: American Soldiers vs TBI,” Tracy Williams, New Orleans Picayune, May 5, 2008

  INTRODUCTION

  By Patricia Driscoll, President, The Armed Forces Foundation

  For almost three years we at the Armed Forces Foundation (AFF) have labored to bring Hidden Battles on Unseen Fronts to publication. I am honored to have led our effort and am grateful to the wounded warriors who offered their stories as well as to the military and civilian healthcare providers that graciously provided their insight. I hope readers everywhere will find these stories of courage inspirational, and the essays by the caregivers and advocates illuminating.

  The nature of our work at AFF is defined by the changing needs of those we serve, particularly as the war in Iraq enters its seventh year. AFF designs programs to address new issues facing troops such as Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Hidden Battles is the result of our commitment to this goal, with all royalties from this work going directly to the front line of support for wounded warriors and their families.

  The modesty of our warriors is extremely admirable. Many troops dismiss their sacrifice as “part of the job.” But how many jobs demand the sacrifice of sanity? What other job requires infinite amounts of courage, caring, resourcefulness and resiliency to win against the odds? And how many jobs challenge the employee’s family just as much? Only our nation’s service members can answer that question.

  Never in our history as a nation have we had a more talented, experienced, committed, and diverse armed forces. They are the clearest demonstration of our destiny as a nation and for that they deserve to be heard and helped; this is the goal of Hidden Battles.

  One in six combat troops returning from Iraq suffers from some form of brain trauma. These troops are at a heightened risk for developing a host of physical and mental symptoms in both the short and long term. They may struggle for months or a lifetime with depression, memory loss, an inability to concentrate, irritability, sleep problems, flashbacks and much more. What makes TBI and PTSD so troublesome is that these mental health conditions are unseen and can be undiagnosed. Those who suffer from TBI and PTSD often feel stigmatized by their symptoms and hide their wounds instead of taking steps to heal them.

  It is my sincere hope that the stories contained in this book will raise awareness of these unseen wounds and create a more open and helpful dialogue. Our troops and their families make valuable and honorable contributions to the welfare of our nation every day and every hour, and have much to teach us. We at AFF are still learning from them and I hope you will as well.

  THE ARMED FORCES FOUNDATION

  In 2001 the Armed Forces Foundation (AFF) was established under the U.S. Department of Defense’s military support program. AFF offers vital assistance to active-duty and retired personnel, National Guard, Reserve Components and military families as they cope with difficult circumstances. The Armed Forces Foundation is dedicated to providing comfort and solace to members of the armed forces community through financial support, career counseling, housing assistance and recreational therapy programs. AFF has been recognized by the President of the United States, the Department of Defense, the Department of Veterans Affairs, the Department of Education and the Department of Energy for its dedication to America’s service members. For more information on how you can help AFF carry out its mission visit www.armedforces foundation.org.

  1

  DEPLOYED, DECORATED AND LIVING IN A CAR

  The Story of US Marine Corps Sergeant Christopher Horman

  “I was about 50 meters away when it blew up. The blast knocked me off my feet and into the side of a Humvee. I must have blacked out for a minute or two, but when I came to there was nothing left of the vehicle. No remnants; just char and a crater.”

  When 28-year-old Christopher Harmon was discharged on May 26, 2006, after eight years in the Marine Corps, he had a chestful of decorations and a pile of honorable citations.

  During his deployment to Iraq in 2005 Chris led an elite bomb squad patrolling the neighborhoods and alleyways of Baghdad and smaller towns like Kandari, site of Abu Ghraib Prison. During the siege of the prison on April 5, 2005, Chris and his 15-man team were the only ground troops outside the walls during the precision-timed offensive. “We were on a foot patrol at the rear of the insurgents. They didn’t know how many of us there were but we knew there were over 100 of them, so I told everyone to sp
read out.”

  Chris sprinted from man to man during the 54-minute firefight, encouraging them to be aggressive. “My machine gunner shot 850 rounds. It was like nothing I’ve ever experienced.” Afterward, US military officers would call the siege the most sophisticated and concerted insurgent attack up to that point in the war, and would single out Chris’ leadership as critical to the attackers’ defeat. The next day, while securing a deserted car suspected of containing an IED, the vehicle exploded. “I was about 50 meters away when it blew up. The blast knocked me off my feet and into the side of a Humvee. I must have blacked out for a minute or two, but when I came to there was nothing left of the vehicle. No remnants; just char and a crater. It scared the living shit out of me.”

  While his discharge papers described compression injuries to his back, knees and ankles, and a chronically dislocated shoulder from repeatedly jumping out of vehicles while carrying heavy backpacks and equipment, as well as his two-year struggle with PTSD, Chris was not tested for Traumatic Brain Injury.

  Chris returned to Seattle with his wife, Kathy, and their three boys, Austin, 9 (from a previous marriage), Zachary, 5, and Xandar, 2. Kathy was from North Carolina and she’d never been out of the state. “Except for worrying about Chris’ safety, the boys and I had been comfortable at Camp LeJeune. I didn’t see the logic of moving to Seattle but I was willing to try it if that was what Chris wanted to do. The hardest part was getting out there a month before he was discharged.” She had met his parents once. Chris and Kathy moved in with Chris’ father and stepmother, and almost immediately the situation soured. “Before I went to Iraq I was open and happy; but after I got back I started getting depressed. I was scared of going out in crowds. When Kathy and I would go to the grocery store, I’d break out in a cold sweat if I couldn’t find her. The smallest things like a pop or a bang made me jump.”